1-10-08

Today I’m feeling very optimistic and proud of what I’ve been doing and good about what I can do in the future so I was thinking about who I want to be as I started this collage. While I was making it I was bombarded with thoughts about different types of people I’ve aspired to be in the past. I thought about who I’d tried to make my self into, who I thought I should be and who I thought would make life so much easier if I could be. All of these roads found me frozen inside self-made too small boxes. This had helped me keep in mind the need to be specific in my thinking. It isn’t about who I want to be, but the life I want to lead. So I’ll live the way I want and find out who shows up.

1-9-08

where am i headed today?

1-8-08

I started this collage thinking about where I’m going. While I was pulling images all I could think about was where I’d been. I had all these nostalgic pulls towards times I haven’t even thought about in months. It made me think about how I used to face my future; I wanted to recreate things the way they had been during times I’d really enjoyed. In trying to do this I succeeded only at keeping my self from growing, so I switched my focus toward figuring out what makes me happy now and pursuing that. In doing so I’ve experienced a resurgence in the type of joy I’d always been after. While making this collage though I really felt that a tangible aspect of the joy was missing. Maybe it’s something that can only be experienced in the summer time or maybe it is something that came only with youth that cannot ever be recaptured. Or maybe it is something that can only be remembered, and I will have the same feelings about this time in my life in five years… this being the first time I realize in the moment that this moment will one day be nostalgic to me.

9-21-07

every day matters as a matter of fact

9-20-07

I was thinking about the difference between what I really want and what is really easy. As I worked on the collage it became clear that all that stands between the two are my choices.

9-19-07

I started this collage with the idea that I want to remove restrictions, strip away any self-imposed rules so I can move freely through my life. These thoughts turned into the fear that without regiments and rules I run the risk of never getting anywhere. I then started thinking about the dangers of going no further than recognizing and pointing out that you do the things you do because of the way you are. I ended up at the idea that there are certain connections between people that make the actions of one a reflection of the other.

I have come to the conclusions that my personal expectations must be based on doing, and that I expect myself to be considerate of and open to others and value only what I know about and think of myself.